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13th-Nov-2009 06:29 am - Accents...
WTF? foxxie
Hey, long time again since I’ve written anything on here…
I’ve been busy with the enrollment part of the Job Corp. Its irritating, but I’ve had my interview and tomorrow I give my decision on where I am going… The concillor says that it would take 6 to 8 weeks before I go on to the program…
I wanted to go to Charleston, but it doesn’t have the program I need, according to my mother… I am worried that I’ll fuck it up by not learning all I need fast enough, you know?
But enough about that. I’ve learned something that is amusing to me… I live in Maryland, and to my knowledge, we really don’t have a real accent here… At least, the people around me don’t. My grandmother is from West Virginia and I can HEAR her accent. My friend Muu-chan is from Pennsylvania and she doesn’t really have an accent, but pronounces a few words differently, sich as her pronouncing "creek" like "crick". An old friend is from Arizona and out there they say "Idear" instead of "idea" which is amusing…
Apparently when I am so extremely upset and crying while in an argument, I develop a strong accent I cant help… When I got over the argument, and the crying, the fact I heard any real accent amused the shit out of me….
I just had to share….
2nd-Oct-2009 07:30 am - Update On The New Job
Smile
Well, the new job at Target was so bodily tiring for my first night that and I got out at 8am that I went home, stayed up for another three hours cleaning/doing laundry, and stretched some so I wouldnt leave any too stressed muscles, and finally crashed yesterday. Last night I woke up, got ready for work, and then was busy learning to proper way to push (aka move one whole aisle of merchandise to another aisle) and worked on putting shelves up to the specified height on the planograms for my stores new cold foods section all night long. They were surprised I came back but as soon as I get to the first day, I am too bullheaded to quit because its too tiring... One, I hate the idea I wasted time filling out so much paperwork to get the job, and two, I am just too bullheaded to quit...

So I like the job, so much more than Sheetz. The managers truly try to make you know your hard work is appreciated, that YOU are appreciated, that I am very overwhelmed over that. The people are patient and fun to work with. I love it!

And Ive been selected to learn pFreash, that deals with keeping the produce we will be getting looking up to standard and getting certified to do a whole bunch of things I didnt expect, considering it was just my second night there. The job I got was a seasonal one, and I was told that if I work hard that they might keep me on just shifting me to something else, but I didnt hold my breath. Hopefully this getting certified to do this task means I will have a job longer there...


Although I love the new job and all it entails, my knees and leg muscles have not been this pained or overused in three years. Apparently standing all night long at Sheetz has not really killed my legs that this new job is making up for.... lol

Well I think its time I got some reading done since I havent gotten the chance in two days! >.<
30th-Sep-2009 02:14 pm - New Job
mustang

Well, I have my first true day of work at Target tonight... You get locked in the store and cant leave till 6 in the morning... There are so many little things to remember... I am part of the Presentation team so I am really excited to start! Wish me luck! I'll tell you more when I get home in the morning... Sheetz doesnt know that Im quitting... lol


And btw,[info]radowan ...

While you look for some DMHP fics, I will be diving into the new (for me) world of great Nick/Greg slash-iness of CSI! lol I have found some awesome stories from this one writer, Ms-Maggs if you are interested in CSI... You might wanna give her fics a try...
25th-Sep-2009 05:17 am - Realizations About Myself...
denial

A bit before going on this vacation to WV with my sister, I had fallen wrong and injured my back, enough to be taking painkillers for a week... Sadly it wasnt at my workplace so I couldnt try for workers comp.

Well, while dosed up on Vicodin, I was talking to my sister and I said things about my lovelife that I have been coming to realize...

I am very insecure about my body. I am overweight, I admit, and my dieting plan has only seemed to manage to make sure I haven't GAINed weight. I haven't had sex yet, and an experience with my childhood when I was nine in which another boy around my age kind of took advantage of my "follow peer-pressure and go with the flow" kind of ended with me and him "petting" so after that happened, it was another five months before I finally broke down and cried the truth to my parents... A very awkward conversation.

Then, when I was twelve, I was sick, sleeping on the couch, had vicks vapour rub on my chest and I had only underwear on.... I think my mother was working... Well, my step father woke me by picking my up... He carried me, at first I thought to my room, but it ended uo to be my parents room... I had pretended to still be asleep. Now I have never said this to ANYONE, and (not to give him an excuse) he might of been drunk, but he, too, "petted" me, I shifted away, and then climbed out of the bed and took myself to my room, and to this day I hope it was a fucking nightmare... He never did it again, and I never told my mother... They're still together, but every now and then I just want to scream that it happened, but I don't...

That, coupled with my insecurities about myself have ended up to be the reason I never kissed anyone in High School, except those pecks on cheeks and just hugging... In fact, I misunderstood an old friend when, just me and him, would go out on his boat and watch fireworks in July one year... I almost pushed him out the boat when he started trying to take my lifejacket off... Because of that, I at 21, am still a virgin, and having said that, my embarrassment is very high...

All these 'I'm uncomfortable with my body' and the incidents in my childhood have made it very difficult to want to date at all and get serious because I feel I am unappealing physically, so I dont want to be uncomfortable in front of someone else, you know?

So then added to that, I havent dated and everyone who I visit in my family always asks 'do you have a boyfriend yet?' and sometimes throw in lesbo jokes at me... Truth be told, I have no problem with gays, and personally like the idea of being bi only because I feel that you can love a person and not gender. My mother says to me in many conversations that she is 'alright' if I am and crap that it creates questions on if I am or not, you know?

And I wasn't popular with guys in High School so I never experimented and I knew many people who had people ask them out and then claim it as a joke or make fun of them like 'Wanna go out?' and if the person asked 'Really?" they'd go 'As if I'd really want to date you!' to theirs and everyone in the cafeteria or hallways faces...

Plus I work all the time (I'm praying my new job will be different) so I never had time, and every guy that asked me out at work, in the middle of the night, drunk, kind of always makes me feel like they're joking with me or serial killers looking for their next victim... So that has not made me feel secure or confident in myself at all...

I have finally just decided that I am asexual, and more career driven, but I'd really appreciate my family not teasing me... I actually finally broke down and shouted at my mother about how everyone always teasing me about not wanting kids or having boyfriends or their jokes really hurt. Sure I'd laugh along, but there are only so many times you can tease people on the subject before they dont consider it family-ribbing you know? She acted like the teasing wasnt able to become hurtful...

I hold my sisters opinion above many (though not above my mothers) so we talked about bis and being homosexual once, cause one of her ex-friends was a lesbian (starting said conversation), she thought there must be something wrong with people who are bi, but I just said that it meant they were open. She goes with the approach that, if you're gay, its fine, but dont come on to me, or' you're gay but Im not, dont ask dont tell all the time works fine' and thus now makes it hard for me to be like 'I think I kind of like this person' truthfully. I'm sure if I was bi or a lesbian I would be accepted, but not without teasing, joking, and crap that I really dont want to deal with. And this makes it hard too that I just cant find someone appealing whom might like me back in the places I have the time to go to and all..

I know I'm bitching about a stinky non-existent love life, but I just wanted to get so many things off my chest tonight.. *sighs* Sometimes I think being a cat or dog would be more preferable to being human. Everythings so much more simple...
23rd-Sep-2009 10:22 pm - Lazy Few Months...
mustang
Been a seriously long time since I've posted on here... Spotty internet and no life but work, sleep, and food to keep me occupied... I have much to say...

First off, my niece is a little over nine months, drooly, loud, and cute... My sister actually plans to marry the idiot. He's away on his ship, and not due back till like December... The bastard... Anyways, I am the Maid of honor...Even though I think she's making a mistake, she needs to figure that out on herself or it will never occur to her.

Also, I am planning to join Job Corps to finish school. Its free... Its free... And I get to go to college for free.

I plan to join to work for my nursing degree. And then prolly get a job in Virginia--I hear there will be a hospital being built and completed within a few years, so I will be able to get a job there.

I paid my car off, dropped my insurance down to liability from full coverage, and had to buy new brakes and wheels for the damned thing.

I also have (hopefully) gotten a new job at Target to get away from my job, Sheetz, since Sheetz is the worst place to work. I'm just waiting for the drug test results to be given to them. They say that they work with you with flexible hours, but its not true. You think we work in a family environment? The managers are assholes that get rid of anyone who actually knows the policies and disagrees with them. You might get paid a good starting wage, but there is no night differential, they bitch when THEY give you the overtime cause no one wants to work.

I've cashed in my two weeks vacation I've been saving for two years (I'm NOT joking) and am using them to get my job with Target and to visit West Virginia...

I'm visiting my grandfather and his new err... girlfriend? in West Virginia now, and the drive up took forever, we got lost for over an hour, and its been alright. Its really relaxing being here, and my grandfather's lady friend is from Russia, not very good with English yet, but we've had a great time... And the horrible news is that we are bringing home two kittens, with no cat carriers cause we didn't plan on it...

I watched the HOUSE season premiere Monday and it was AWESOME!!! ^.^ I loved it and I cant wait to see the next episode! I am also getting my dose of Shawn on Psych! Its awesome, and I am psyched out myself over my two fav's! lol

Anyways, I just wanted to post this... I hope everyone's alright! And I'll hopefully post something up again real soon!
4th-Mar-2009 09:53 am - Feeling Better
stare
Feelng Better since my last post... Of course, I have an emotional break down at work and had to leave early and then got snowed in at my parents house to do so, but I am feeling better.

Work is geting better... I dont feel like everyone is ignoring me anymore... Though they are still trainees, and moronic, but I feel better after my breakdown... I got a lot of my issues against this sudden increase of responsibility out in the air...

Also, I went to visit my parents on Sunday and we have been snowed in... Yesterday I tried to dig my car out of the snow but got stuck in their driveway anyways... But today the snow has melted enough I think I'm gonna get out of here soon.

A few nights ago, well, like a week ago, my parents had a bonfire and of course ruined the whole thing by both getting drunk and arguing with each other. YOu have no clue how liberating it is to be able to drive away from that... Or, people who had perfect childhoods with no fights in their home have no clue... The rest of the population understands...

The snow has put me into literal hibernation mode. The only thing I want to do is sleep.... It sucks.


But I'm feeling less stressed and frustrated with everything now. Seriously, I fel better. Which is nice since I haven't felt good in a long time... Of course, I've had my share of the rent in my bank account for forever and knowing money is in the damned thing but I am not allowed to use it is getting to me, but I am getting there.

I own Season One and Two of Psych now... I love the Lassie/Shawn moments; its killing me... but they have to break up the totally canonized slash relationship by making Shawn have moments with Juliet that does not have the same chemistry as Shawn and Carlton have...

I cant wait for the new season to begin...

My diet is hopefully going ok, I am breaking my interest in going out all the time and eating home cooked meals. I'm eating more protein instead of breads and eating a lot of grapes and apples to not drink soda... Water isnt too bad, if Im not drinking the terrible well water at my parents house.. My god it's smelly and tastes awful. My mother told me the farther down the states you go, the worse it can smell/taste... Shudders.

Well, I'm gonna get off my parents computer now... I still havent gotten Internet at my place yet... I prolly wont get Internet until I finish paying for my car... Rent Insurance Car Payments Utilities.... Very expensive... I spurged to own my Psych DVDs... I had to own them for life...
16th-Feb-2009 08:05 pm - Why?
owned

Who am I leaving behind if I die? I dont want to die but I am just worrying about this....

A grandmother who needs my half of the rent to survive on her own.

A sister starting her own family with no college education to her name, and so how is she ever going to support Chloe? Get her into a college with those prospects?

A younger sister who is, admittedly, not the brightest in the world and will need her Sissy to show her how its done.

A father already buried.

A stepfather thats an idiot at times, can do stupid shit, but at other times wants someone to have heart-to-hearts with somebody besides his buddies...

A mother that, I know, loves me, but I feel has expectations for me to be better than I think I can be.

A grandfather that isolates himself in another state.

An aunt and uncle with their own lives to live.

A stepbrother I haven't seen in years.

A cat that doesn't realize he's an idiot and a pain in the ass.

Lately, I don't know if its the depression, my worrying that I wont make anything of myself, my own too high expectations, or something else... But I fear I wont be able to do all the things I've, since a little girl, set myself out to do...

Make something out of myself... Have a college education... Get a professional sounding job... Find good friends... Have a life... Actually live instead of drag myself through the days... Find someone to at least say I have a deeper connection with besides family-wise.

Most times I'm happy to be my own person, without someone, but then there are times, like at the wedding, I felt so alone... NO one to dance with (as if I could dance anyways)... I kind of want the wedding too, but dont want it... I want the father daughter dance, but dont... I want to be successful, but what if I fail?

What am I good at? Nothing but reading to myself and sleeping.

I can do better...

I've done worse...

I have poor math skills... I cant draw as good as I'd like... I can start things but never finish them... Or i have ideas, but dont know where to start... I cant memorize dates, times, or numbers.... I sometimes have trouble pronouncing words I've been around all my life, but I've always been like that. I have poor communications skills. I dont think fast on my feet. I am easy to anger, and have difficult times arguing my side of things. I listen but am not good with advice. I have no outside life... how can I without exhausting myself?

My mother is difficult to get along with, My grandmother is very difficult to deal with. I have social problems and find it hard to socialize, to sympathize, to Idontknow!

Growing up, besides having a time or five of teenaged angst against my parents, I felt obligated to be responsible. Responsible for taking care of my parents when they are older. Responsible for my sisters to make it through life. Responsible for others. Responsible for my anger issues. Responsible for not being perfect. Not doing better than others in school. Not being as smart. Not understanding (why cant I just GET it?) not being all that I can be... stressing over looks, my differences, this, that, how I just cant fit in (why should I want to? why cant I?)

I can change...

I dont want to change...

I should try to be different... (why do I have to be different than others?)

Why am I not liked more? Am I doing everything wrong? Why does it feel like others hate me? Do they hate me? Why do I care about that? About this?

Is it just a rut? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? Is it nothing?

Ist his nothingnothingnothing... Nothings wrong. Nothings right. Nothings ever right....

I want to call my mother... I shouldn't call her though. Im an adult... I dont need to talk to her... Im old enough to do things myself... I should be able to do things myself. I can do things myself... Why cant I just do them right? Whats wrong with me? Why do I care so much? Why worry so much about this?

Im happy with my life.. But Im not... Do my sisters resent me? Does my mother ever regret having me so early? Why do I feel so stupid? Why do I feel like Ive failed? Why am I so worried over little things? Why am I worrying about this, period? Whywhywhy?

Just why?

31st-Jan-2009 11:02 am - The Boycott Israel Campaign
WTF? foxxie
I've no Internet access and have been busy moving and such (helping my parents move as well) That I've been too busy to take[info]radowan's suggestion to post a notice about the boycott... I've just had the time to go onto the home page for the boycott and read some...

Its terrible to know that companies in America that are doing the right thing, boycotting Israel products and refusing to bail other companies out, money-wise, who are in league with these people, are getting into trouble with our moronic government and having to pay fees for choosing who they do and refuse to do business with is wrong...



Here are some facts from the boycott home page that I read...

What is the boycott?

The boycott of Israeli products and companies supporting the zionist entity is about ordinary people around the world using their right to choose what they buy in order to help bring about an end to oppression in Palestine. Its a peaceful means of putting international pressure on the racist state of Israel and follows in the footsteps of the successful boycott against South African racist apartheid.

 

2. Are you boycotting all Jews?

Certainly not! The boycott is not directed at any religious or ethnic group, but rather it is directed at those companies that are supporting the racist occupation of Palestine. A quick glance at the boycott list will testify to this. We do not discriminate between the supporters of Israel - if a Muslim company is caught collaborating with Israel we will boycott it just as vigorously as any other company.
 

6. These companies operate in Muslim countries providing Muslims with Jobs - isn't boycotting them going to harm ourselves?

It is true that most of the companies on the list have operations in Muslim countries and employ Muslims who would loose their jobs if the companies collapsed or pulled out. But we have to look at this as a opportunity, not a loss.

Take the example of Coca-Cola in the middle east, the boycott has hit them so hard that their sales are down 60%. This has created an opportunity for a Muslim alternative, ZamZam Cola of Iran, which is owned by the religious charity the Foundation of the Dispossessed, to take Coca-Colas share of the market. Zam Zam Cola is struggling to keep up with demand - it exceeded all expectations by selling four million cans in its first week. It is now planning to expand by build factories in the gulf states, helping provide local employment. And for the first time even European countries like Denmark, are importing ZamZam Cola.

Similar success stories can be told of Sainsburys closer in Egypt in April 2001, which resulted in a blossoming of local stores which would not have otherwise survived in an unfair market monopolised by a foreign giant.

Also lets not forget that the reason why the multinationals have set up in Muslim countries is not out of benevolence for us, but rather exploitation. Take the example of Delta Galil - the Israeli textile giant whos cloths are sold under the labels GAP, Banana Republic, Calvin Klein, BOSS, M&S and DKNY among others. The Israeli company has factories in Jordan and Egypt in addition to Palestine. Their treatment of workers is such that Sweatshop Watch has denounced Delta-Galils exploitation of Arab labour, calling it a "Sweatshop Czar". Is it really a loss to us to see such companies go?

7. Does the boycott work?

Oh yes! For example, one of the companies hardest hit by the boycott is McDonalds.

McDonalds is a "major corporate partner" of the Jewish United Fund. In its own words, the Jewish United Fund "works to maintain American military, economic and diplomatic support for Israel; monitors and, when necessary, responds to media coverage of Israel." Also, McDonalds chairman and CEO Jack M. Greenberg is a honorary director of the American-Israel Chamber of Commerce and Industry.



 

COMPANIES TO BOYCOTT



  • AOL Time Warner
    Time Life magazine, CNN, ICQ

     
  • Apax Partners
    Jonny Rockets, Sunglass Hut.

     

     

  • Arsenal Football Club

     

     

  • Coca-Cola
    Fruitopia, Fanta, Kia Orange, Lilt, Sprite, Sunkist..

     
  • Caterpillar

     
  • Danone
    HP foods, Evian, Volvic, Jacob

     
  • Delta Galil
    Hema, Barbie, Carrefour, Auchan, Tchibo, Victoria's Secret, GAP, Banana Republic, Structure, J-Crew, JC Penny, Pryca, Lindex, DIM, DKNY, Ralph Lauren, Playtex, cK, Hugo Boss, M&S

     
  • Disney

     
  • Emblaze

     
  • Estée Lauder
    Aramis, Clinique, DKNY, Prescriptives, Origins, MAC, La Mer, Bobbi Brown, Tommy Hilfiger, Jane, Donna Karan, Aveda, Stila, Jo Malone, Bumble & Bumble, Kate Spade

     
  • Home Depot
    Villager's Hardware, Georgia Lighting, Apex Supply, EXPO Design Centres

     
  • IBM

     
  • Intel

     
  • Johnson & Johnson

     
  • Kimberly-Clark
    Kleenex, Kotex, Huggies, Andrex

     
  • Lewis Trust Group
    River Island, Isrotel hotels, Britannia Pacific

     
  • The Limited Inc
    Express stores, Lerner New York, Structure, New York & Company, Mast Industries, Intimate Brands, Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, White Barn Candle Company, Henri Bendel
     

  • L'Oreal
    Giorgio Armani, Redken 5th Avenue, Lancome Paris, Vichy, Cacharel, La Roche-Posay, Garnier, Biotherm, Helena Rubinstein, Maybelline, Ralph Lauren, Carson

     
  • Marks & Spencer
    M&S, St.Michaels

     
  • McDonald's

     

     

  • Motorola

     
  • Nestle
    Nescafé, Perrier, Vittel, Pure Life, Carnation, Libby's, Milkmaid, Nesquik, Maggi, Buitoni, Cross & Blackwell, KitKat, Milkybar, Quality Street, Smarties, After Eight, Aero, Polo, Lion, Felix cat food, L'Oréal

     
  • News Corporation
    TV: Fox, Sky, Star, Phoenix, Granada, CNBC. UK newspapers: Standard Newspaper, News of the World, The Sun, The Times. Australian Newspapers: The Telegraph , Gold Coast Bulletin, Herald Sun, Independent, Sunday Mail. US newspapers: New York Post. Publishers: Harper Collins Ragan, Zondervan, National Geographical. Nursery World, Rawkus, NDS, Mushroom Records, ChinaByte.com, Festival Records

     
  • Nokia

     

     

  • Revlon
    New World Entertainment, Forbes

     

     

  • Sara Lee
    Hanes, Playtex, Champion, Leggs, Douwe Egberts, Bryan, DIM, Ambi Pur, Bali, Superior Coffee, Just My Size, Kiwi, Maison Cafe, Nur die, Pilao, Lovable, Outer Banks, Wonderbra, Sanex, Pickwick, Gossard, Body Mist, Brylcreem, Aqua Velva, Radox

     
  • Siemens

     
  • Selfridges

     
  • Starbucks
    Seattle Coffee, Pasqua, Hear Music, Tazo

     
  • Timberland
     



There is more... you should see the list of things you can boycott to show you want Israel to end their crazy regime of blood and murder. Grab them by their balls, where it hurts the most --their wallets...

5th-Jan-2009 06:59 pm - Disaster of My Reality
i see you Sas

Listen to Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin while reading this... Its a sort of re-write of the song with my own lyrics...

I hate my mother’s lemonade…

Goodbyes are so easy to say…

I’m positive that no one will ever need me…

I’m sure that there’s no difference…

Between the lies and compliments…

They’re all the same,

And everybody leaves me…

And my lonely reality,

Shows me I’m not good enough…

The truth that I see,

Makes me cry..

I would change everything, anything

Just ask me

I can finally say I’m seeing

The true disaster of my reality

I just need someone to help me not succumb…

I can’t seem to give boys what they want…

Wariness hides behind nonchalance…

I’m afraid they’ll see,

What I see in my reflection…

I never can be perfect for long…

I know I’ll only get it wrong…

I’m perfect at only being inadequate…

I’m not a drama Queen…

I’m just tired of feeling this way…

I’m no longer seventeen…

But already so drained…

I would change everything

For a little taste of happy ever after

I’m finally seeing

The true disaster of my reality

But I just need someone to help me not succumb…

I won’t be but who I am

But apparently, that’s not okay

I would change everything, anything

Just ask me

I can finally say I’m seeing

The true disaster of my reality

I just need someone to help me not succumb…

I just need someone to help me not succumb…

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