So, I like White Collar [this puts my feelings very tame-like]...

And the Peter/Neal/Elizabeth pairing is almost canon. I also enjoy Peter/Neal by themselves... [this is another topic...]

Well Peter Burke is played by Tim DeKay, and he plays a Neal Matthews on the episode 'Spark of Life' from CSI: Crime Scene Investigators....


I swear, I was squeeing the whole time the episode played...


Sharing time is over now.

OMG, its gotta be Avatar, of course! I saw it yesterday, and got home just in time to miss driving in the snow. It was awesome! It didnt feel rushed or like it was force-feeding information for you to understand the movie.

I loved how it played out (even though you KNOW that he's gonna somehow stay in his Avatar at the end...) I thought the actors were amazing in it. Before it came out I watched the making of the movie like hundreds of times...

Well, I've got some good news!


First off, Job Corp finally called. I leave Jan. 19th… Sadly, I wasn’t guarenteed that I’ll be able to do their LPN program because so many are interested in that program. Its like trying to get into the community college programs (just as picky and rigorous) so they tell me that I’d have to pick something else to occupy my time while waiting to see if I get the chance to do the program…

Also, Christmas time is yet again upon us. And yet again my parents are fighting. My mother swears that she is really getting a divorce from him once and for all but I cant see if that’s true or not.

Also, I think I have decided to give my sis’s boyfriend one more chance. He’s supposedly changed while out at sea… That better be true.

It snowed all damn day yesterday. Yes, I’m on the east coast, and its frickin cold and I think there is 12 inches on the damned ground, so I’m trapped at home until it melts.

Target sucks balls. Seriously. I hate the manager there. She’s a bitch. I hate working there, so I’m so excited to be leaving for Job Corp. The 26th I give them my two weeks notice.

Oh, My niece turned one on the 3rd, and is sooo cute!

And did anyone see the White Collar fall finale? I cant see the start back of it because I’m gonna be at the center by then… *cries* And I wont have a computer to keep up with the episodes! Its not fair!

And where the hell did House go?!?! That stupid awards or singing thing came on the one week instead of a House episode, and I must have been missing it the weeks after or something, I don’t recall seeing the words ‘finale’ coming on the tv screen at anytime before it didn’t come on… What the HELL?!?!

Well, I might catch you again before Christmas, depending on whether or not I have power… Snow really sucks…

Hey, long time again since I’ve written anything on here…
I’ve been busy with the enrollment part of the Job Corp. Its irritating, but I’ve had my interview and tomorrow I give my decision on where I am going… The concillor says that it would take 6 to 8 weeks before I go on to the program…
I wanted to go to Charleston, but it doesn’t have the program I need, according to my mother… I am worried that I’ll fuck it up by not learning all I need fast enough, you know?
But enough about that. I’ve learned something that is amusing to me… I live in Maryland, and to my knowledge, we really don’t have a real accent here… At least, the people around me don’t. My grandmother is from West Virginia and I can HEAR her accent. My friend Muu-chan is from Pennsylvania and she doesn’t really have an accent, but pronounces a few words differently, sich as her pronouncing "creek" like "crick". An old friend is from Arizona and out there they say "Idear" instead of "idea" which is amusing…
Apparently when I am so extremely upset and crying while in an argument, I develop a strong accent I cant help… When I got over the argument, and the crying, the fact I heard any real accent amused the shit out of me….
I just had to share….

Well, the new job at Target was so bodily tiring for my first night that and I got out at 8am that I went home, stayed up for another three hours cleaning/doing laundry, and stretched some so I wouldnt leave any too stressed muscles, and finally crashed yesterday. Last night I woke up, got ready for work, and then was busy learning to proper way to push (aka move one whole aisle of merchandise to another aisle) and worked on putting shelves up to the specified height on the planograms for my stores new cold foods section all night long. They were surprised I came back but as soon as I get to the first day, I am too bullheaded to quit because its too tiring... One, I hate the idea I wasted time filling out so much paperwork to get the job, and two, I am just too bullheaded to quit...

So I like the job, so much more than Sheetz. The managers truly try to make you know your hard work is appreciated, that YOU are appreciated, that I am very overwhelmed over that. The people are patient and fun to work with. I love it!

And Ive been selected to learn pFreash, that deals with keeping the produce we will be getting looking up to standard and getting certified to do a whole bunch of things I didnt expect, considering it was just my second night there. The job I got was a seasonal one, and I was told that if I work hard that they might keep me on just shifting me to something else, but I didnt hold my breath. Hopefully this getting certified to do this task means I will have a job longer there...


Although I love the new job and all it entails, my knees and leg muscles have not been this pained or overused in three years. Apparently standing all night long at Sheetz has not really killed my legs that this new job is making up for.... lol

Well I think its time I got some reading done since I havent gotten the chance in two days! >.<

Well, I have my first true day of work at Target tonight... You get locked in the store and cant leave till 6 in the morning... There are so many little things to remember... I am part of the Presentation team so I am really excited to start! Wish me luck! I'll tell you more when I get home in the morning... Sheetz doesnt know that Im quitting... lol


And btw,radowan ...

While you look for some DMHP fics, I will be diving into the new (for me) world of great Nick/Greg slash-iness of CSI! lol I have found some awesome stories from this one writer, Ms-Maggs if you are interested in CSI... You might wanna give her fics a try...

A bit before going on this vacation to WV with my sister, I had fallen wrong and injured my back, enough to be taking painkillers for a week... Sadly it wasnt at my workplace so I couldnt try for workers comp.

Well, while dosed up on Vicodin, I was talking to my sister and I said things about my lovelife that I have been coming to realize...

I am very insecure about my body. I am overweight, I admit, and my dieting plan has only seemed to manage to make sure I haven't GAINed weight. I haven't had sex yet, and an experience with my childhood when I was nine in which another boy around my age kind of took advantage of my "follow peer-pressure and go with the flow" kind of ended with me and him "petting" so after that happened, it was another five months before I finally broke down and cried the truth to my parents... A very awkward conversation.

Then, when I was twelve, I was sick, sleeping on the couch, had vicks vapour rub on my chest and I had only underwear on.... I think my mother was working... Well, my step father woke me by picking my up... He carried me, at first I thought to my room, but it ended uo to be my parents room... I had pretended to still be asleep. Now I have never said this to ANYONE, and (not to give him an excuse) he might of been drunk, but he, too, "petted" me, I shifted away, and then climbed out of the bed and took myself to my room, and to this day I hope it was a fucking nightmare... He never did it again, and I never told my mother... They're still together, but every now and then I just want to scream that it happened, but I don't...

That, coupled with my insecurities about myself have ended up to be the reason I never kissed anyone in High School, except those pecks on cheeks and just hugging... In fact, I misunderstood an old friend when, just me and him, would go out on his boat and watch fireworks in July one year... I almost pushed him out the boat when he started trying to take my lifejacket off... Because of that, I at 21, am still a virgin, and having said that, my embarrassment is very high...

All these 'I'm uncomfortable with my body' and the incidents in my childhood have made it very difficult to want to date at all and get serious because I feel I am unappealing physically, so I dont want to be uncomfortable in front of someone else, you know?

So then added to that, I havent dated and everyone who I visit in my family always asks 'do you have a boyfriend yet?' and sometimes throw in lesbo jokes at me... Truth be told, I have no problem with gays, and personally like the idea of being bi only because I feel that you can love a person and not gender. My mother says to me in many conversations that she is 'alright' if I am and crap that it creates questions on if I am or not, you know?

And I wasn't popular with guys in High School so I never experimented and I knew many people who had people ask them out and then claim it as a joke or make fun of them like 'Wanna go out?' and if the person asked 'Really?" they'd go 'As if I'd really want to date you!' to theirs and everyone in the cafeteria or hallways faces...

Plus I work all the time (I'm praying my new job will be different) so I never had time, and every guy that asked me out at work, in the middle of the night, drunk, kind of always makes me feel like they're joking with me or serial killers looking for their next victim... So that has not made me feel secure or confident in myself at all...

I have finally just decided that I am asexual, and more career driven, but I'd really appreciate my family not teasing me... I actually finally broke down and shouted at my mother about how everyone always teasing me about not wanting kids or having boyfriends or their jokes really hurt. Sure I'd laugh along, but there are only so many times you can tease people on the subject before they dont consider it family-ribbing you know? She acted like the teasing wasnt able to become hurtful...

I hold my sisters opinion above many (though not above my mothers) so we talked about bis and being homosexual once, cause one of her ex-friends was a lesbian (starting said conversation), she thought there must be something wrong with people who are bi, but I just said that it meant they were open. She goes with the approach that, if you're gay, its fine, but dont come on to me, or' you're gay but Im not, dont ask dont tell all the time works fine' and thus now makes it hard for me to be like 'I think I kind of like this person' truthfully. I'm sure if I was bi or a lesbian I would be accepted, but not without teasing, joking, and crap that I really dont want to deal with. And this makes it hard too that I just cant find someone appealing whom might like me back in the places I have the time to go to and all..

I know I'm bitching about a stinky non-existent love life, but I just wanted to get so many things off my chest tonight.. *sighs* Sometimes I think being a cat or dog would be more preferable to being human. Everythings so much more simple...

Been a seriously long time since I've posted on here... Spotty internet and no life but work, sleep, and food to keep me occupied... I have much to say...

First off, my niece is a little over nine months, drooly, loud, and cute... My sister actually plans to marry the idiot. He's away on his ship, and not due back till like December... The bastard... Anyways, I am the Maid of honor...Even though I think she's making a mistake, she needs to figure that out on herself or it will never occur to her.

Also, I am planning to join Job Corps to finish school. Its free... Its free... And I get to go to college for free.

I plan to join to work for my nursing degree. And then prolly get a job in Virginia--I hear there will be a hospital being built and completed within a few years, so I will be able to get a job there.

I paid my car off, dropped my insurance down to liability from full coverage, and had to buy new brakes and wheels for the damned thing.

I also have (hopefully) gotten a new job at Target to get away from my job, Sheetz, since Sheetz is the worst place to work. I'm just waiting for the drug test results to be given to them. They say that they work with you with flexible hours, but its not true. You think we work in a family environment? The managers are assholes that get rid of anyone who actually knows the policies and disagrees with them. You might get paid a good starting wage, but there is no night differential, they bitch when THEY give you the overtime cause no one wants to work.

I've cashed in my two weeks vacation I've been saving for two years (I'm NOT joking) and am using them to get my job with Target and to visit West Virginia...

I'm visiting my grandfather and his new err... girlfriend? in West Virginia now, and the drive up took forever, we got lost for over an hour, and its been alright. Its really relaxing being here, and my grandfather's lady friend is from Russia, not very good with English yet, but we've had a great time... And the horrible news is that we are bringing home two kittens, with no cat carriers cause we didn't plan on it...

I watched the HOUSE season premiere Monday and it was AWESOME!!! ^.^ I loved it and I cant wait to see the next episode! I am also getting my dose of Shawn on Psych! Its awesome, and I am psyched out myself over my two fav's! lol

Anyways, I just wanted to post this... I hope everyone's alright! And I'll hopefully post something up again real soon!

Feelng Better since my last post... Of course, I have an emotional break down at work and had to leave early and then got snowed in at my parents house to do so, but I am feeling better.

Work is geting better... I dont feel like everyone is ignoring me anymore... Though they are still trainees, and moronic, but I feel better after my breakdown... I got a lot of my issues against this sudden increase of responsibility out in the air...

Also, I went to visit my parents on Sunday and we have been snowed in... Yesterday I tried to dig my car out of the snow but got stuck in their driveway anyways... But today the snow has melted enough I think I'm gonna get out of here soon.

A few nights ago, well, like a week ago, my parents had a bonfire and of course ruined the whole thing by both getting drunk and arguing with each other. YOu have no clue how liberating it is to be able to drive away from that... Or, people who had perfect childhoods with no fights in their home have no clue... The rest of the population understands...

The snow has put me into literal hibernation mode. The only thing I want to do is sleep.... It sucks.


But I'm feeling less stressed and frustrated with everything now. Seriously, I fel better. Which is nice since I haven't felt good in a long time... Of course, I've had my share of the rent in my bank account for forever and knowing money is in the damned thing but I am not allowed to use it is getting to me, but I am getting there.

I own Season One and Two of Psych now... I love the Lassie/Shawn moments; its killing me... but they have to break up the totally canonized slash relationship by making Shawn have moments with Juliet that does not have the same chemistry as Shawn and Carlton have...

I cant wait for the new season to begin...

My diet is hopefully going ok, I am breaking my interest in going out all the time and eating home cooked meals. I'm eating more protein instead of breads and eating a lot of grapes and apples to not drink soda... Water isnt too bad, if Im not drinking the terrible well water at my parents house.. My god it's smelly and tastes awful. My mother told me the farther down the states you go, the worse it can smell/taste... Shudders.

Well, I'm gonna get off my parents computer now... I still havent gotten Internet at my place yet... I prolly wont get Internet until I finish paying for my car... Rent Insurance Car Payments Utilities.... Very expensive... I spurged to own my Psych DVDs... I had to own them for life...